Beyond the ordinary
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Depression.
This is an extremely common question, people find it suprising when they find out about my past with depression. I have had depression since i was 12. A lot of self-neglect, attempts and therapy. From CAHMS, to secondary therapy, to crisis team, physcologist, hospital visits and mental health hospitals. Living life was and can be really hard, all my mental health issues clashing into one.
This is something i don't mind talking about, however people can be triggered. My photos are all unedited. From the scars on my skin, to shaving my hair, the different makeup styles, hair colour changes. All represent my struggles and changes over the years.
coping tips with depression.
- Small but big tasks. From simply getting out of bed and doing self care such as brushing your head, brushing your hair, making a hot or cold drink, making your bed (even if you are just going to get back in it, it always feels nice when its freshly made), having a bath or a shower. Small things but they will make you feel nice and refreshed. Don't overwhelm yourself though, take it small and easy.
-Notebook- mood journals, these sometimes work. They don't for me only because i rethink and it makes me dwell on the day i had or my past. However i know a lot of people who do this, and it helps them! Note the pros and the cons from your day, even if your pros are the simple takes you have done. Its an achievement and you should be proud!
-Engage in creative activities, Now this is my go to. Painting, music, drawing! Engage your brain into things that use a lot of brain energy. This makes your brain tired, makes you feel happy while also relaxed.
- Avoid alcohol and things. It may make you feel good at the time however it enhances emotions, thoughts, feelings. As soon as the buzz stops, it all comes back, their is other ways around dealing with mental health than relying on the wrong thing. My dad was an alcoholic that's a massive reason why i am, the way i am. Seeing him run away from his problems, relying on the wrong thing, pushing the people he loved away. It hurt me a alot.
Depression symptoms.
-Loss of interest.
-Sadness.
-Difficulty Concentrating.
-Sleep issues.
-Hopelessness.
-Sleepy all the time.
-Thoughts of self-neglect.
- Irritability.
-Weight changes.
-Loneliness.
- No motivation for daily things.
- Pushing people away, or feeling too attached.
Keep scrolling for the Personality Disorder section- Thank you x
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personality disorders.
-Borderline Personality Disorder - Emotional Instability.
-Histrionic personality disorder- Attention-Seeking behaviour.
-Avoidant personality disorder- Fear of rejection.
-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder- Rigid perfectionism.
- Schizoid personality disorder- Social detachment.
-Narcissistic personality disorder- Grandiose self-esteem.
-Dependent personality disorder- Excessive neediness.
-Paranoid personality disorder- Distrustful behaviour.
-Antisocial personality disorder- Disregard for others.
Our history
Paranoid personality disorder, Dependent personality disorder, Schizord personality disorder, Obsessive compulsive disorder, Avoidant personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Histrionic personality disorder. I have traits of all of these, Psychologist is looking into them.
However OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) I have had since i was 12. ( more detail on my OCD section- Trigger warning reasons).
BPD (borderline personality disorder) has been looked into for a good while now, living with BPD is like living life in a passenger seat. Your thoughts aren't your own, feelings are extreme, rage outbursts, graphic thoughts, immense depression, Impulsive decisions etc. This disorder is one of those where you can talk about it for ages but you still cannot fully describe it.
Dpd (dependent personality disorder)- Excessive neediness, difficulty making independent decisions, needing constant reassurance, advice and immense fear of abandoment. Willing to tolerate abuse, neglect and constant self-sacrifice. This is a disorder which you can get due to abuse, love-bombing, childhood trauma, Overprotective parents or partners, Early life illness, Vulnerability, Mental illness diagnosis. With DPD once your relationships end you tend to jump into another, or find a comfort person almost instantly due to immense fear of being alone. Not being able to sleep alone, that constant need of someone elses opinion, advice and reassurance. After a lot of opening up about my past, hearing my mindset we came to the conclusion i suffer from DPD. It affects me every single day, it is very dehumanising.
PPD(Paranoid personality disorder)- is a mental health condition marked by a pattern of distrust and suspicion of others without adequate reason to be suspicious. People with PPD are always on guard, believing that others are constantly trying to demean, harm or threaten them. Once again looking into my past history, mental state this is being considered and looked into due to my fear of eating food by others, fear of letting people touch me or be near to people. The constant fear people are going to hurt me or want too, paranoid all the time to the point of not letting people close, bearing grudges and being very unforgiven. Having my walls up constantly, self destruction and social withdrawal. Causes can be family history of psychotic disorders, childhood trauma such as emotional or physical abuse which i have experienced from an old step-dad who ended up leaving, and a step-mum. Which is also dehumanising, that constant threat and fear deep down from anything and everyone.